My gorgeous 17 yer old nephew called me tears this afternoon. Him and his girlfriend had just had a sit down talk about their relationship, and after half an hour or so, they decided it was best to part ways and just friends – She was heading off to Uni in the South Island and he was about to embark on an adventure of his own… the break up hurt, there were tears, he felt sad… but he had CLOSURE.
Which is stark contrast to what I’m currently going through, with “Mr Brown”. Mr Brown came into my life like an exploding hurricane, and after a whirlwind few months of dates, phone calls, messages, flowers and shagging…. he just STOPPED… he just wasn’t there, no calls, no messages, no acknowledgment of me what so ever. This my friends, is the cowards way of breaking up with you, without doing the hard work of actually explaining why or what happened, otherwise known as “ghosting”. There is no closure – my phone is always in my hand – in bed, the loo, hopping on a train to get to work, in meetings, with clients – in case I miss that call I so desperately want. I think of all the possible scenarios of why we aren’t in contact, and play them over and over and over in my head… a rock fell on him and he has amnesia, he found the love of his life and hes run off with her, he was secretly gay… I have anxiety, thinking “I’m not good enough”, “Not slim enough”, “Gave terrible head”…. (I don’t by the way… I’ve had many a compliment)…. I’ve cried, it hurts and its confusing. A Great Big World, hit the nail on the head, with their song Say Something. Its for all those women in the universe, going through this exact thing – I’m sure they are screaming the words in their heads, as loud and as often as what I have been… “say something, I’m giving up on you. I’ll be the one if you want me to, Anywhere, I would’ve followed you. Say something, I’m giving up on you”
Love is hard enough when you’re 17, but I’m in my mid 40’s, I don’t need this shit. I’m a grown up. Men, grow some kahunas and if you’re not feeling the love, then use your words and lie if you have to – “I have had fun with you, but my life is moving in a direction where Id like to go alone, without you”. This way you wont be destroying women’s souls and leaving their confidence in tatters and their hearts broken like a shattered mirror. So… I guess “Mr Brown” couldn’t handle my fabulousness, my strength and determination… or the way my tongue can tie a cherry stalk into a knot… sadly I’m still sitting here, screaming those words in my head … “say something, I’m giving up on you”
Love sucks